Last week I read a book. This is quite an accomplishment as I have not read a new book in over a year. I have a stack of books over two feet high that I have not been able to read past the tenth page because of my inability to remember details and follow a story. I might count "The Sun Also Rises" that I read on vacation in Costa Rica, but it was the second time I had read it. Then again all I remembered was that it was about drinking, bull fighting and Spain. That is all I got out of it again except that the main character who had been injured in the war was like the steers that calmed the bulls when they were penned, just as he managed to calm his brawling, drunken, jealous, licentious friends. I love Hemingway.
The book, West of Jesus, was written by a surfer who has Lyme Disease. It is not really about Lyme Disease, but about the spiritual quest that accompanies a life altering illness. He begins searching for the origin of a surfing myth about a "Conductor" who can summon the waves and control the swell. He goes all over the world to learn more of the story and find an understanding of how surfing is such a powerfully spiritual sport. He finds his peace while surfing, when he is close to death, but his body and soul unify with God and no longer feel separate. His conduit for this state of elevated consciousness is the wave. I have a better understanding of why Ron loves to surf and and appreciated Lee's growing connection to the sea.
When you are sick, your goal is getting your old life back, and then you realize that can never happen. This is the second revelation in the book: Life will never be the same. Your mind, body and spirit are transfigured in a way that makes this impossible. You cannot go home again.
When Ron and I were discussing the book with Lee, Mackenzie ( Maryanne and Eric's daughter) and her friend Colleen at Rocco's in Hatteras, I could not remember the details of the book just a few days after finishing it. Ron asked me to tell a story from the book, but all I could do was shake my head. He told the story for me. I am left with, however, the essence of the book and an understanding of the spiritual quest we all face as we live our lives.
As I finished the book, I had a computer guy come over to restore the data I had backed up with Norton from my last computer before its untimely demise. As he loaded the files, we realized that all that was there were a few images and a lot of junk; all those useless banners and web page images that get stored in your drive and slow things down. Thousand of them, all useless. there were no documents, no cookbook ( an on-going, unfinished project), no pictures, no school projects, no excel sheet with all our accounts, user names, passwords. The things that Ron would need if I were not around. The things that I need now that part of me is already gone! I hope I printed a hard copy of the excel sheet and stuck it in a file.
Having Lyme has cleared out all the useless data along with some important memories, but I don't remember to stay mad, I have lost most of the indignation that I felt when others did not do the right thing. There is hope for new experiences and challenges and rebuilding something better. I will try to hold on to what is left that is good and let the rest wash away. The data is gone, but my spirit, faith, and love remain. With that I can make new memories, write new and better recipes, and let go of what I have lost because what remains has so much more value.
